In partnership with
I was mid-sentence, raving about a colleague to a new joiner, when I caught myself.
I always talk about this person. To other teammates. To new hires. To anyone who asks.
Every interaction I've had with them has been pleasant — even during disagreements, even under pressure.
If I'm doing their marketing for free, how many others are too?
That question changed how I think about careers.
1. People want to work with you
When a manager asks "who should we pull in?", the first names aren't always the most skilled. They're the ones people enjoy working with.
When deciding which team to join, people ask around. They want to know what it's like to work with you. If they hear good things, they're more likely to choose you.
Your skills get you in the room. How you treat people decides whether you get invited back.
2. People advocate for you behind your back
That's what happened with my colleague. I was doing free marketing for them — without them knowing.
When you're nice, people remember. When your name comes up in a room you're not in, they speak up. For promotions. For opportunities. For team changes.
You can't control what people say about you. But you can make it easy for them to say good things.
3. People want to give back
Psychologists call this reciprocity: when someone helps us, we feel a pull to return the favour.
Help a colleague debug a tricky issue on a Friday afternoon? They'll remember when you need a last-minute code review. Be supportive when someone is struggling? They'll go to bat for you when it matters.
This isn't manipulation. It's human nature — and it stacks up over time.
4. Your feedback actually lands
Some colleagues can give me tough feedback and I take it well. I know it comes from a good place. I don't get defensive. I listen.
Other colleagues give mild feedback and I'm already on guard. Not because the feedback is wrong — the relationship doesn't have that trust.
Be nice and constructive by default, and you earn the right to be direct when it matters.
5. Nice ≠ pushover
Being nice doesn't mean saying yes to everything. It doesn't mean avoiding conflict. It doesn't mean letting people walk over you.
It means you can say no respectfully. Push back without making someone feel small. Hold strong opinions while respecting the person across from you.
The best leaders I've worked with were both kind and firm. That combination is rare. And people follow it.
What this actually looks like
My colleague who does this well? When I ask for help, he shows up. No sighing. No making me feel like a burden.
When I'm wrong — and I've been wrong plenty — he raises concerns so gently I want to reconsider. He'll say "I see where you're coming from, but what about this edge case?" and I think "oh, good point." Compare that to "that won't work" with no context. Same message, completely different experience.
Even when he's right — especially when he's right — he never makes anyone feel stupid.
Think about the colleague you rave about. What is it about them? I bet it's not their technical skills. It's how they make you feel.
If someone in your circle needs to hear this, send them this post ❤️
That's a wrap.
Thank you for reading 🙏
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